Been Awhile

I haven't been on here blogging in a long time, but i really have a lot to say. So much has been going on i don't know where to begin. So if it jumps from topic to topic just bare with me cause I might just go on and then just switch it up. Okay so first lets begin: I have to have this procedure/surgery done on Wednesday and I am so scared I don't know what to do. I'm trying to act like it doesn't bother me but it really does and i don't want them to put me to sleep at all. That is my all time biggest fear and i never thought in a million years this would happen to me. As the days are approaching I am so tempted to stay here and just cancel it. I mean nothing is wrong with me now I don't feel anything I do have pains and stuff once in a while but who doesn't. I just hope everything is okay and i wake up afterwards and nothing is wrong with me. I have a long life ahead of me with so much planned and things I want to accomplish in my life I can't let this procedure stop me in any way. On to the next topic: So i will be graduating in exactly 3 weeks and I am so nervous/excited/ can't wait. I have so many mixed feelings on graduation altogether. But I am happy to be graduating in 4 years and I know what I am doing after so its not like I am just going to move back home sit on the couch so I guess thats a plus. But I just can't wait till I get done with school altogether and I can work a full time job and really be an adult and live on my own and do my own things. I will feel accomplished. After I get myself and all my needs together and in order I will then begin to look for man so can begin to start my family. I know I say I don't want kids but deep down I do want one and I want to aadopt another one so I only want two kids and that is it. I want to adopt because it is the right thing to do I need to help a kid out. I had/have a wonderful life and childhood I just want to do the same for somebody in return...esp if their family can't provide for them. I just applied to this job working at a law firm downtown Chicago and I pray that I get the job it will help me get so much experience that I need to become a successful lawyer. So if I don't hear back from them by Monday I am going to call them and check the status of my application so I can see if we can schedule an interview or something because I really need that job and I am so ready to quit target. I hate that place I can't believe I am still there after all the complaining I do. okay so the last topic I have on my brain is..._ _ _ _... I'm sure you already knew. But I just don't even know where to begin with him but I am really trying to get over the feelings that I had for him because all it is doing is causing me pain and I hate feeling like this. I just really need to move on. I was almost there but then who do I get a text from him? y I don't know and ever since then I have been constantly thinking about him so much and i hate that. I don't kow what I can do to get over him and just move on because i probably sure he is going back to NY after he grads to be with his ma. So today I am going to text him to let him know I am having surgery and that is it. I am not going to text him after that, he knows my number so he can text me if he wants. But I think when I move back home things will be different because I will be having dips on deck (hopefully) so I wont be worried about him. Even tho I really really did have strong feelings for him its cool I can move on and make it. So that is all i had to say I will be back on Wednesday to let you know how it went if I'm not back then something went wrong so pray for me that it didn't...ttyl till Wed loves